Conservative Zingers… That Aren’t
December 10, 2016
Liberals and atheists who enjoy debating politics and religion on the Internet are all too familiar with those moments when their conservative and religious opponents realize their typical bluster isn’t going to cut it this time.
Of course, it wouldn’t be the internet if they simply admitted defeat and bid you farewell. If they don’t resort to childish name-calling or personal insults, they will fire what they believe is a devastating parting shot at you on their way out. But while they may depart believing they have dispatched yet another hapless foe, in reality, their zinger has fallen ludicrously short of the mark.
Here are some of the more common retorts that have been launched my way over the years:
You need to stop worrying about the fate of others, and be more concerned about your own salvation.
A classic, often deployed after you’ve had the temerity to challenge the logic behind the Christian doctrine of salvation, not to mention the profound lack of fairness. Most conservative Christians believe the only way to avoid the eternal fires of Hell is to come to salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, but that presupposes everyone has heard of about Jesus and his offer of salvation in the first place, which is clearly not the case.
So after posing perfectly reasonable questions about the eternal fate of young children, the disabled, the infirm, and those raised in isolation from Christianity, fundamentalist opponents quickly tire of being unable to present a coherent rebuttal and will accuse you of saying anything to deflect from what should be your most important concern–giving your own life to Christ.
Continue Reading
The Perversity of the Age of Accountability
November 12, 2016
Like many identical twin children their age, Timmy and Tommy are very close. They live in a typical middle-class neighborhood with loving and caring non-religious parents. They like all the same things, always play together, and are rarely out of each other’s company.
One morning, while Timmy is at the family doctor with Dad to take care of an ear infection, Tommy enters the kitchen to find a pile of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies cooling on the counter. Mom’s cookies are the best, and unable to resist, Tommy swipes one off the plate while her back is turned.
But before he can flee the kitchen with his loot, Mom notices the missing cookie.
“Tommy. Did you just take one of my cookies?” she asks, more in amusement than anger.
“No,” says Tommy, hands behind his back to hide the evidence of his theft.
“Tommy,” says Mom, turning serious. “What did I tell you about telling lies?”
“But I didn’t take anything,” insists Tommy, desperately trying to shove the cookie up his sleeve.
But when pieces of the crumbling cookie drop to the floor, Tommy’s guilt is revealed. After wiping her hands, Mom sits Tommy down and gives him a stern lecture about lying and the importance of honesty. Reduced to tears, Tommy is ordered to his room for a time out. For once, he is suitably chastened, having learned the error of his ways.